It’s time to be brutally honest. Kids, I’m tired of Chinese New Year. Sure it was fun for a while…with everyone distracted with the visitors, stuffing their faces with cookies and pork (bak kwa) and counting ang paos like the devious children they are, I could get up to all the kitty crimes I wanted. But it has been a week and these hot and heavy CNY festivities are taking their toll on ancient me.
First of all, all this traditional spring cleaning sucks. The Vacuum Cleaner is my #1 enemy. And my traditional cushions keep getting unsettled.
Secondly, red packets (ang paos) are of no use to me at all. NO USE. NO USE, you hear that? Stop teasing me with useless human money. Embedding it in my belly doesn’t work the same way as fish would.
Next, I’m really tired of being fondled by little humans. Leave me alone, creatures my own size. You Creep Me Out.
The verdict’s out, folks: Chinese New Year sucks for kitties like me. I spend all my days fleeing from crowds of strangers and people that keep flicking catnip in my face. If not I sit in a corner and let people bond over me whenever an awkward silence crops up. What did people talk about in the days before a cat entered this house anyway?
Yup, I’ve done enough running in the last week to last me a year. GET OUT OF MY FACE, MANDARIN ORANGES!
